Pancakes Are a Scam, and Nobody Talks About It
People act like pancakes are some grand breakfast achievement, but they’re just soggy bread circles with a branding problem. They trick you into thinking they’re special by stacking them up and drowning them in syrup. Nobody questions why a “great” breakfast food needs that much sugar just to taste like anything. The truth is, pancakes are nothing but cake’s embarrassing cousin.
Restaurants push pancakes like they’re the star of the show, but nobody actually wakes up craving them. The moment you take your first bite, the disappointment kicks in. That initial fluffiness disappears within seconds, and you’re left chewing on something that resembles a damp kitchen sponge. By the time you’re halfway through, the syrup has turned everything into a sticky, tragic mess.
People defend pancakes with weak arguments. They say it’s all about how you make them, as if a better recipe can fix the fact that pancakes are just bad engineering. The fluffiness doesn’t last, the flavor is barely there, and the syrup is working overtime to make up for the fact that nobody actually enjoys plain pancakes. Waffles, on the other hand, understood the assignment and gave themselves pockets to hold the syrup properly.
The Secret War Between Waffles and Pancakes
Waffles never had to beg for respect. They showed up, crisp on the outside, fluffy on the inside, and with built-in syrup compartments. That’s called efficiency. Meanwhile, pancakes flop around on the plate, soaking up syrup like a desperate sponge.
Nobody talks about how waffles won the texture war before it even started. A good waffle has contrast—crispy edges, soft insides, and structure that actually holds toppings. Pancakes? No contrast. Just a sad, deflated pile of mediocrity pretending to be breakfast royalty.
The food industry knows waffles are superior, but they keep pushing pancakes because they’re cheaper to make. Waffle makers require actual investment, but anyone with a cheap pan can throw together a pile of floppy pancakes. This is why diners pretend pancakes are some kind of staple—they’re low effort, and nobody has the guts to admit they’re settling for less.
Big Syrup Is in on It
Nobody questions why pancakes need so much syrup. If they were actually good, you wouldn’t need to drown them in liquid sugar just to tolerate them. Waffles use syrup strategically, letting it fill those beautiful little squares without ruining the texture. Pancakes just get soggy, like a paper towel soaking up a spill.
The syrup industry loves this mess. They know pancakes force people to use way more syrup than necessary, and they’ve been milking that fact for decades. Waffles? They make syrup last longer. A single drizzle in the pockets keeps everything balanced, meaning you don’t need half a bottle just to make your breakfast edible.
Nobody dares question the pancake-syrup relationship. It’s a one-sided dependency, with pancakes needing syrup to function while waffles stand on their own. If you had to eat a plain pancake and a plain waffle with no syrup, one would taste like sadness and regret, while the other would still be good. You know which is which.
French Toast Has Been Watching From the Shadows
French toast doesn’t need to fight for attention because it already won. People treat it like a luxury breakfast, but deep down, they know it’s what pancakes wish they could be. It soaks up flavor, stays crispy on the outside, and actually holds its own against syrup without collapsing into a pile of mush. This is why fancy brunch spots push French toast while leaving pancakes to the cheap diners.
Nobody makes French toast by accident. You don’t just stumble into it like you do with pancakes. It takes effort, intention, and a respect for breakfast that pancakes will never achieve. Meanwhile, pancakes get thrown together when someone doesn’t feel like putting in the work for something better.
Restaurants use French toast to signal quality. If they offer it, they know they’re catering to people who expect more from breakfast. Pancakes exist for the people who settle. French toast stands in the corner, watching, knowing that it doesn’t have to prove itself to anyone.
Nobody Actually Likes Pancakes That Much
People say they love pancakes, but watch what happens when you give them options. If waffles and French toast are on the menu, pancakes suddenly become the last resort. The only time people truly hype up pancakes is when they come in ridiculous flavors, covered in chocolate chips or drowning in whipped cream. That’s not a breakfast item—that’s dessert pretending to belong on a plate next to eggs and bacon.
Nobody wakes up craving plain pancakes. They crave the toppings, the syrup, the extras that disguise the fact that pancakes, on their own, are forgettable. Take away the sugar and the distractions, and pancakes collapse under the weight of their own mediocrity. Meanwhile, a waffle or a slice of French toast can stand alone without begging for help.
The only reason pancakes still exist is because people are too deep in the lie to admit they don’t actually love them. They’ve spent years convincing themselves that pancakes are special, so admitting the truth feels like betrayal. Waffles don’t have this problem. French toast doesn’t have this problem. Only pancakes require a defense force to justify their existence.
The Great Pancake Lies Passed Down Through Generations
Grandparents have been lying about pancakes for decades. They act like making them from scratch is some kind of family tradition, but nobody really enjoys standing over a stove flipping sad batter circles for an hour. The same people who claim homemade pancakes are special are also the ones drowning them in syrup because they taste like nothing. If a food needs that much sugar to be edible, it was never good in the first place.
Parents keep passing down the pancake lie because they don’t want to admit they grew up eating a breakfast scam. They convince themselves that pancakes taste better because of nostalgia, but nostalgia is just another word for lying to yourself. Ask any kid if they’d rather have pancakes or waffles, and they’ll pick waffles without hesitation. Even children can see the truth, but adults keep forcing pancakes on them out of stubbornness.
The biggest lie of all is that pancakes are easy. If they were so simple, why do they always turn out uneven, with half of them too thick and the other half looking like a sad, deflated balloon? Waffles solve this by having a mold, guaranteeing consistency. Pancakes, on the other hand, require you to master some mystical flipping technique that nobody ever actually perfects.
The Truth Will Eventually Win
Breakfast has evolved, and pancakes refuse to evolve with it. They’ve been the same sad, floppy mess for centuries, while waffles have improved in texture, crispiness, and design. French toast keeps getting better with upgraded recipes, creative flavors, and better bread choices. Pancakes? They’re still the same uninspired lumps of batter people have been tolerating for generations.
The only reason pancakes still exist is that people fear change. They stick with them out of habit, not because they actually enjoy them. Nobody sits at a restaurant, sees pancakes on the menu, and thinks, “That’s the best option.” They order them because they’re comfortable, and comfort has kept bad ideas alive for centuries.
Sooner or later, people will have to admit the truth. The world deserves better breakfasts, and waffles and French toast are leading the charge. Pancakes had their time in the spotlight, but that time is over. The sooner people accept that, the better their mornings will be.
The Future Belongs to Better Breakfasts
Nobody has to keep pretending pancakes are worth defending. The world has moved on, and better breakfast options exist. Waffles and French toast took everything pancakes got wrong and fixed it. The only people still clinging to pancakes are the ones afraid to admit they wasted years eating the wrong thing.
Restaurants will catch on eventually. The smarter ones already push waffles and French toast while letting pancakes sit at the bottom of the menu like a forgotten relic. One day, people will look back at pancakes the same way they look at dial-up internet—outdated, slow, and completely unnecessary. The ones who wake up first will enjoy a better breakfast while everyone else drowns their disappointment in syrup.
Pancakes had their time. That time is over. The next era of breakfast is already here, and it has syrup pockets.
